Drug free? No, never completely free.
But drug-less. Without.
A few days ago, I went to the hospital. I was offered pain pills.
And I turned them down.
I turned them down.
I didn’t have to think about it, I didn’t sit contemplating.
I said no as if they meant nothing to me.
Seems like a small thing, doesn’t it? But to an addict, turning them down was like a fish turning down water for land.
That moment was the first time I felt like I might be able to make this a lifelong thing.
I have always been the girl that liked to play pretend. When my mind got so clogged with darkness, I began using outside things to keep me in that imaginary place.
I had made attempts to get clean before, all ending in failure.
I don’t know what the secret recipe was, or why that day last year was the one and others hadn’t been. All I know is that I made a choice. And, it has been all me for a year now.
Scary. Incredible. A rush.
“It can be argued that a human is ultimately the sum of his experiences.”
And I am the sum of mine. Beautiful. Ugly. All.
Today is my ‘Ta-Da’ day. My “I can effing walk on water” day!
Here’s to another year.