A few minutes ago, I was struck by a line that I came upon while studying for my health class:
“… happiness is typical rather than unusual.”
I was dumbfounded. Really? Happiness is typical?? I sat in awe, struggling to rationalize the words. Now, I like to think that I’m not an ignorant person – I know that not everyone suffers from debilitating depression and regular suicidal thoughts, and I know that there are always going to be those annoying freaks that are constantly content with their lives … but to say that happiness is typical just shocks the hell out of me.
And so I wonder. What it must be like to be happy. Truly happy. The kind where being happy is your ‘normal’ … the kind where depressed thoughts are the unusual, because they happen so infrequently. I wonder how my life would have been different had I been one of those people, and I wonder if all the medication in the world could have actually done what they had promised.
See, I am not a happy person. I never have been. I have had spurts of happiness, though I must say that many of them were just episodes of mania disguised as elation. I have had moments that I had hope; ambition; belief in myself and my life. Times where I rose out of bed with positive force, delighted to be alive. But those are the unusual moments. Those are the few-and-far-between times where I wonder just what the hell is going on.
My “typical” is like today: I wake up every few hours at night, worrying. When morning arrives, I lay there physically unable to move. Getting up means living; getting up means fighting. And I have no fight left to give. I climb out of bed and go to the bathroom. I avoid my reflection because I don’t need to see the rot that I feel. It is constant; the physical pain I always feel is the result of years of neglect. I don’t need to see it in the mirror. I go to the bedroom to get dressed. Why shower? I put on my usual sweat pants and black sweater. All black. Always. I sit down to my computer. Check messages. Check my blog. And I spend the rest of the day worrying; solemn face. Sometimes, I’m not sad. You don’t have to be sad to be depressed. It just is the way that it is, and it’s been that way for as long as I can remember. Very rarely, I will experience a feeling of happiness … but I quickly remind myself that it will be gone in an instant, and then it is. I try and avoid most all contact with other human beings, because I do not want to face whatever they have to offer. They are always judging me anyway. Sometimes, sometimes I will want to cry. I will want to cry and pull my hair out and run knives all over my body. But I don’t. Not because I have outgrown all of those things, but because that takes energy — something that I have very little of these days. And I always think about dying. If I will ever attempt suicide again, or how I hope a cancer is silently growing inside of me.
Medication wasn’t something I wanted long term. Therapy was a waste of time & money. Drugs and alcohol just made things worse. Writing helps … in the moment. All of these things that some people swear by. That heal. That cure. All of these things never worked for me. I was unhappy before and unhappy after. I am just an unhappy person … and probably always will be.
So I think about that quote, about happiness being typical, and I cannot help but smirk. They really want to tell me that 9 out of 10 American’s are “very happy” with their lives? Either I am living in the wrong country, or we have some real good liars here.
What do you think? Is happiness unusual?
And check out Is Sadness the Same Thing as Depression? by Weirdo.
I don’t think that constant happiness is typical. I do think that constant depression is atypical. I think that the statement simplifies what happiness is.
Wow…love how candid you are…takes guts. Well, let’s see. Happy overall? Yes. Happy every minute of the day? No. Wouldn’t mind being happier more often and for longer spurts at a time? Absolutely. When I’m feeling down, I force myself to get dressed up, hair and all. Then I sit down and way the good and the bad. Usually, the good outweighs the bad and suddenly, I’m in a better state of mind. Oh, and….sex helps too. Lots of it.
These days more than any before there is no “norm” no “usual”. Not because people have changed in any great way, just that they are now no longer afraid to say what they think and feel. I think there are those that are happy and content but even they would admit to melancholy. The fact that we now have entire industries founded on the general unhappiness of people and how to “cure” it show’s how stupid the quote you mention is. For me I wouldn’t say I was a happy individual but in all honesty I would rather be me than 1 of the faceless masses with the personality of a dead fish and the group mentality of a sheep in the flock……
I don’t know that “typical” is the right term Who wrote that drivel. Happiness is common, or characteristic perhaps but still both of those adjectives need additional clarification: common for whom, in what circumstances, if perceived how?
But, to answer your other question. Yes, happiness is possible and yes, it feels incredibly different from the manic moments I felt when I battled depression. Now, somehow I’ve won that battle and it’s not so much that I’d say I’m happy all of the time but I’d choose to describe how I feel as a sense of peace. I’m more even in my reactions to life, more accepting of the ups and downs, I sweat the bumps and bruises less. If that’s happiness, then yes happiness can be achieved.
It’s taken a lot of work to get here, and it would have been impossible for me at your age. It’s not just aging but also controlling every single depressive trigger and I had neither the knowledge or the will-power to do that when I was younger. So, if you are frustrated with not being happy, do hang in there. I hate when people say that to me so I hope you forgive that cliche. I’m just sayin’ things will change.EVERYTHING CHANGES: If things are good, they will eventually turn bad; if things are bad, eventually they will turn good. It’s that yin and yang thing. One thing is for sure, when things turn good after a long bout of bad, you’ll see things and appreciate things in a way you never imagined.
Whew.
do you like to run? I found that running regularly makes me generally happier. I didn’t like it at first, and still don’t for the first 10-15 minutes or so when my body whines about having forgotten to move and how unfair it is to have to move. but then it comes back to me and it’s a very nice feeling.
nice post. very interesting. thank you.
I run, too, and I feel good while I’m doing it and even for a good 15 minutes after I finish, but then the feeling is gone.
I agree. Running rocks. Makes me feel like a million bucks. My body even begs for it when I’m feeling a little under the weather.
That quote is bullshit, even for those without depression or anxiety. I have neither, but my boyfriend struggles with anxiety. I am open about the fact that I have little understanding of depression or anxiety, though I do my best to support and understand. I have always been surrounded by people struggling.
Anyway, my point is that even for people who are very positive, and do not feel depressed or anxious, they are not actually ‘happy’ the majority of the time.
I am a positive person, I rarely feel sad or depressed, and my life is good. But no matter how good it gets, I always find a way to see that I could be doing better. At the moment my ‘problem’ is that my job is boring and uninspiring, and I wish I could do something different, or HAD done something different at uni.
I think this is the truth for even the ‘happiest’ of people. Happiness is what drives us. If we experience the end product too often it loses its meaning.
I think we misuse the word “happy” (and it’s brethren) far too much in our modem world. I think most people are “content” and life, generally, can have spurts of happiness as it can also have spurts of depression, sadness, disappointment, et al.
“Happy” is too much pressure to be withstood on a daily basis.
Did a robot come up with that line, “… happiness is typical rather than unusual”????
That paragraph about what your days are like? Those are my days too, and it’s scary how alike they are on so many levels, and most of them suck. I love how you write here, so honestly about hard, personal things. You are a blogger inspiration to me, and as much as depression fucking blows, erm, glad to have you down in here with me.
If happiness is typical then I guess that makes me abnormal. I’ve never felt I was allowed to be happy for long periods of time. Yes, I’ve had times where I think I was genuinely happy, but it was always followed by that feeling of dread, that the happiness I was feeling was going to end soon. And it always has. It’s gotten to the point where I really believe that I’m just not allowed to be happy, that I’m only meant to feel sadness. It’s depressing to feel that way, but life hasn’t shown me that I’m wrong.
I believe that a pleasant feeling is typical, but not happiness. “Normal” people usually have the feeling that they feel “good enough” most of the time.
I understand what you are saying. You don’t feel “ok”. It is not “good enough”. There have been many years during which I have not felt happiness either. And the days were drudgery. In my particular case, medication (eventually) worked wonders, but only after 15 years of being offered the wrong medication and given the wrong diagnosis.
At this point, however, I have more mental energy and ability to participate in life than I had expected possible. I sincerely hope that you find some equivalent (although not necessarily medication) avenue toward renewal, growth and even blossoming.
I can’t imagine that happiness is the norm these days. Maybe contentment. Maybe just being too busy to really think about it. But then again, I have depression. Even medicated, true happiness, not numbness, seems distant. Maybe it’s in how we frame the idea of happiness too…
http://eatclimbtravel.com/2013/01/09/the-secret-to-happiness-is-low-expectations/
I was miserable, too, for many years. I still get phases of depression, but I started to believe that I am allowed to be happy – once in a while. Believing is a choice.
But I totally concur with everyone elses assessment of that quote: it is the shit of so many bulls, even Hercules couldn’t clean that one up. Whoever wrote that is a lobotomized chimp.
I think anyone who is truly happy all of the time is truly deluded and/or possibly psychotic in some nature. True happiness to me is not something that is meant to be felt all of the time. You have to feel other things to know what happiness is. Anyone who claims to be truly happy all of the time haven’t experienced loss of a loved one or felt worry for themselves or someone they care about.
I have to think about this more but off the top of my head I would venture to say that someone who claims true happiness all of the time is lacking the ability to empathize with people, animals, situations. They would also lack the motivation to do anything other than what they are currently doing, what would be the point? There would be nothing to strive for.
No, I don’t envy anyone who claims true happiness. I’d rather live a full life.
I would love to have a definition of what happiness is. I too struggle with that concept. Is there a norm. Do I have enough joy in my life. I’d have to say no and it is a journey towards that goal in many ways. I think it is probably linked to contentment too. A coming to peace with the past, and acceptance of the present and a willingness to allow the future to unfold in a state of contented peaceful acceptance with courage…………. that doesn’t happen overnight and certainly not in your twenties except for very rare people!! Any help that for most of us we are reaching for it rather than having already attained it? I am further forward than I was yesterday, etc…..big hugs, babe
I’ve heard it said that “happiness is the absense of pain.” The pain I’ve had in life sticks to me so I find it hard to be happy.
That quote about most people being happy is nuts to me. I think most people are unhappy but alot of people hide it behind a smile or don’t realize because they make their lives so busy they down have time to think about how they feel.
I wrote this not too long ago
http://dougsan.wordpress.com/2012/11/01/are-we-all-broken/
Basically I think I’ve clawed my way from long years of being am unhappy person to the point where I can pass as ‘normal’. But I feel sometimes like its like holding in your stomach for a photo – you can’t keep it up indefinitely. I personally think most people I know, even the ‘happy’ ones seem to have something missing, some are just better at hiding it (sometimes from themselves). Anyway, I really respect your honesty and for what it’s worth you know you’re not alone. Great blog as always
I would venture to say that the quote is a lie perpetrated by the pig power structure… why? At least 2 reasons come to mind: 1) they don’t want you to know that “Most men live lives of quiet desperation” (Thoureau) because then you’d realize that this system is fucked and thus begin to climb out… and 2) profit — if you think you’re in the minority then you’re more likely to “call now for a free sample of Happy Stuff in a Box, just pay shipping and postage”
Things that affect you: sunlight (especially vitamins D, B6, B12), chronic mild dehydration (less drinks, more water), fresh air (my mom used to open all the windows wide for a few minutes every day), nature (see it, hear it, feel it — I go downhill real fast if I can’t at least see it out a window).
**HUG**
M
Absofrickinlutely
“What do you think? Is happiness unusual?”
Of course it is.
Its just that you’re supposed to lie about it.
Ostentatious happiness is like ostentatious wealth.
Its a sign of status and superiority.
If you’re happier than someone else you can tell them how they should live.
According to most utilitarian moral philosophers happiness is actually the measure of the worth of your life.
So sorry sods like us aren’t worth much and its probably OK to put us down at birth.
Increase the overall happiness just that little bit.