I went shopping yesterday. Let me make clear that I buy clothes maybe twice a year, at the most. I go through phases where I vow to become more fashionable … but it never pans out. I just don’t care about it — and I can’t pull anything off anyways. On any given day, I am wearing one of three things: My white shorts, leggings, or sweat pants. And always, always a tank top. I might put something over said tank top, like a hoodie or a tshirt, but I will never go without it. Bra gets worn on a case by case basis.
So yes, I went on my annual clothes shopping trip yesterday. Going through the clearance aisles of Ross (because I’m a cheap bastard), I found a few things that struck my fancy … but to be honest, everything was just sort of all blah-zey (yawn). But then! Then! I find these things that I later learned are called ‘jeggings’. These leggings disguised as jeans. I take them into the dressing room with me, not knowing my life was soon about to change.
Trying on pants is torture. Especially after you just got done eating a lunch made for five people. Pair after pair either gave me a muffin top or just plain didn’t even fit up my thighs. And then I tried on the jeggings. These smooth, stretchy pant-things pulled up with ease and fit me like a glove. I turned around and even saw that they not only masked my ass dimples, but they gave my butt some sort of magical lift. I went from flat, pancake bum to round, sort-of-plump. It was pretty fabulous.
Needless to say, I bought them. Along with a couple shirts, a sweater, sweatpants and some fluffy socks. Oh how I love fluffy socks (I’m wearing them right now!).
You might better understand why I only go clothes shopping once a year, if you knew that I woke up sick this morning. I fell asleep with a headache and woke up dying. Again. Yes, I was a little ill last week … but this is so much worse! I want to go devour my bed for the rest of the day.
Have a good weekend, readers!