I eat strumpets like you for brunch!

hawr, hohr or, often, hoor

1. a woman who engages in promiscuous sexual intercourse, usually for money; prostitute-harlot-strumpet.

[Wait, what the eff is a strumpet? Oh, just another word for whore. Good to know.]

I admit it, I wasn’t planning on going this route for today’s post. I was actually all set up to introduce my lessons on ‘How to Be an Appropriate, Respectable Woman in Today’s Improper World,” (much the the pleasure of my mother), but things happen.

She must be a whore.

Things like looking at what search terms get people to your blog, and finding Vintage Whore in the top spot. Some of my other what-the-hell’s? How to use tampons, Big butt panties, Wedgie, Boob grow, Crack whore, Granny panties, Annoying people, Things in a vagina, Soymilk and a bigger bum … trust me, the “what Google thinks my site is about” list goes on and on.  I do recommend everyone using Google’s Webmaster Tools so that you can join in on the fun.

So here I sit. I don’t know whether I should be more baffled or flattered. I mean, I never came out right and said that I was a vintage crack whore teaching people how to use tampons, but thank you Google for knowing the truth anyway. Should I begin today’s lesson?

This girl totally ruined my search engine experience!

What I keep thinking about is the type of people that will find my blog this way … and what they think of the results. Are they disappointed? Turned off? Or do they love what they find and then proceed to follow me while they drink more soymilk? Maybe I don’t want to know. Okay, that’s a lie. The more perverted weirdo’s, the better!

The really humorous thing here, is that the search terms sort of fit me in a very odd way.  I guess you could call me inappropriate – without a filter. For instance, since I live with my parents (its what ALL the cool kids are doing!), my sole purpose in life is to embarrass my mother in public. I usually succeed and then go back down to the basement to pat myself on the back. I will spare you lovely readers the details of how I go about doing this — for now … but yeah, it’s the little things that keep me going – and keep my mom young.

Truth is, I don’t care how they get here … if I have people reading my blog, I’m happy. You lovely readers, followers, likers, and commenters allow me to pretend like spending all day online is now somehow legit — and that is all a girl could ask for.

Share some of your own search terms?

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