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Have you ever seen that quote before? Supposedly it was invented to make us all feel better about those pathetic choices we have made in the past.
All in all, it’s pretty harmless to believe the ‘no regrets’ mantra — but there are instances where I simply have to indulge the vomit feeling in my stomach and allow myself to bathe in full-on regret.
See, sometimes the floor is wet & we will notice the “Wet Floor” sign. And sometimes, we will ignore our intuition and walk right onto that floor with no inhibitions anyway. And then sometimes we will slip and fall. (And sometimes we will make up stupid mini-lessons just so we can tie our Title into our post somehow…).
Image via majorfan11.tumblr.com
Image via you-aredoomed.tumblr.com
That couch? That is a picture of one of my ex-boyfriends. You may notice that the seats are torn to shreds, and might even start to smell a stench coming from your computer screen (see? it’s not you!). He is obviously quite used up, unbearably uncomfortable to be around, and all around a waste of a good couch.
But when I first laid eyes on him, all I chose to see was his beautiful chestnut hue and the soft arms. Even after we broke up and I proceeded to take him back a year later, I tried so hard to convince myself that the odor was bearable.
Make no mistake, I definitely don’t think of myself as a ‘break-the-bank’ loveseat … I have some (okay, a lot of) springs loose. But the thing is: two trashed sofa’s do not equal a possibility for a working relationship. And I knew it.
Image via iambeccakleeman.tumblr.com
Our intuition is powerful. It gives us glasses for our love-struck eyes. There are signals to spot. The problem? Our heart just has to be that leather-face’s main squeeze. It tries to rationalize with itself, “But the smell of fried skin can kind of be a turn on … maybe if I pretend he’s drenched in bacon??”
Alas, though, things will (usually) work themselves out and you will eventually see the error in your ways. When my only choices left were Prison or Break-Up, I chose to finally (and for good) walk away. Regret ending things? Not in a million years. What I regret is wasting so much of my damn time allowing myself to be completely miserable.
There is no “woe is me” feeling (although I couldn’t resist using that Snooki pic), just a “don’t ever do that again” understanding. I have no desire to be in any kind of relationship anytime soon anyway … but when I do (maybe in 10 years…), I will make sure I look out for those “Wet Floor” cautionary signs*.
*Except for last night, when I walked into the kitchen and proceeded to do a body-crash on the wet floor. It was another epic moment in my life.
Do you have any major regrets?
Major Regrets… sometimes these questions I read compel me to think about them.
Before I couldn’t have named 3… now.
1) I pretended to be in love while she truly was (don’t ask me why, it haunts me to this day)
2) A journey to France for a month was poorly organized and therefor not the best experience (deterred me from travelling or further language studies)
3) I wouldn’t have burned the bridges to some friends/co-workers
4) My disinterest in mathematics (travel back in time and slap myself with the math-book)
5) Not writing for so long…
Thanks for sharing. I hear ya on the math part! And I hope you can learn to let #1 stop haunting you … I think we all know deep down when someone isn’t really in love with us, somethings we just want to keep lying to ourselves.
Only two so far. 1. eHarmony. ’nuff said. 2. Falling asleep behind the wheel less than a month after my parents gave me a car. But at least I got those out of the way when I was young and foolish, right? On to better things now that those are done.
Fairly bruise-free regrets, eh? Good for you
Enjoy your freedom and don’t waste your energy on regret. We can only learn from our mistakes. It sounds like you know this well. All those mistakes make us who we are or who we end up becoming. I think that’s one way to look at things.
I like your way of looking at it!
my thoughts exactly. everything is a life lesson and if we look at it in the right light can help us grow and evolve.
I like that
Mistakes build character, right?
I too spend time agonizing over bad choices I’ve made in my life, but think of it this way:
Would you be where you are today if you hadn’t?
I know I like where I am right now and it probably would have never happened if a VERY large mistake had never occurred.
True, true. I most definitely would not be who or where I am if it wasn’t for my past mistakes … I just need to work on letting a few more go.
OK, I don’t know how you do the moving pics thing, but it’s amazing! Plus, you choose such clever pictures anyway.
I just find them & insert them into the posts … you have to do ‘full size’ or they won’t work.
Oh, and I have such huge regrets, I had to write a whole book about him.
I think about writing a book like that … but I’m not quite at the “confronting my regrets” stage yet.
We all have regrets, that’s for sure. But what if you met someone and they handed you a note saying “that in 4 months I will break your heart”, or “I only want to get laid and I’m not really interested in you” – then you would never have dated them, right? Life is not that clear cut unfortunately, but we all go through it & that’s life, it sucks, that’s true, but it sometimes happens for a reason. I could, as well, write a book about all of these regrets, and I wish that I knew about blogging years ago because I could have written a whole blog about all the bad dates & relationships I have had. So since relationships don’t come with a guarantee or a note that tells you how it ends up, we take chances. I took a chance three years ago when I met my boyfriend and it came with no notes, hit a few bumps in the road, but the journey we have shared has been something that I am glad that I took with him.
It is crazy that you just said that. I just got finished watching the movie, “Timer,” and it is about exactly that (knowing if something is meant to be before allowing it to play out as it is meant to play out). Watch it if you haven’t!
I will have to watch that movie now. Thanks!
Woah! Okay, I’m going to be watching that
Never heard of it, thanks for the suggestion!
Yay! Its on Netflix!
Yup. On my summer off before teaching starts (tomorrow, yikes!) I’ve had a love affair with Netflix. The movie I referred to in my palm-reader post the other day was Broken English. So Good. I recommend that one, too. Also on Netflix!
Have fun tomorrow
And thank you for another awesome recommendation!
No prob! Thanks!!
So true, I like how you put it. Glad you are enjoying your current journey, hope I get there someday
I am so with you on this… It’s much easier said than done to live without regret. My mother always taught me growing up that everything happens for a reason, but some things are just much harder to understand, and others just take time and growth to understand. The one thing I regret was staying too long in an awful relationship, to the point that I’ve had to work really hard to build myself back up again. I try to remind myself that I may not be as strong as I am today without that experience, as terrible as it was… It’s kind of like building muscles… we have to work them out and tear them up a little so that they can grow back larger and stronger.
I think you are on the exact right track. I relate a lot and am too trying to build myself back up. I like the muscle metaphor
I really don’t. Every bad choice I have made ended up paving the way for something good.
Although I do fleetingly wonder, when I look at how I was dressed on some old photos, “what the hell was I thinking?”
I agree about the thing about how we dressed “back then”. I grew up with three older sisters and had always thought to myself (much later on in life) on why would they did not give me advice on clothes & hair styles when I was in school? Hmmm, I probably would have had more dates back then. LOL
hahahah!
It’s inspiring that you don’t, and how you look at it!
And I think we all have those attire horrors
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ~ Mark Twain
They say that our scars are our thickest skin. I guess that proves true for heart wounds too. Looks to me like that grungy brown couch provided some very tough love lessons and that the heart (yours) going forward is enormous enough to encompass a blogosphere. Looks to me like the next couch in your life will be a lucky one. Those grunge couches do make for good books though.
In Awe, L.
L.,
You provide such wise words, I am continuously inspired … thank you!
I love that quote! I’m stealing it for my About page
Regrets, yes I do have a few, but I’ve learned to let go of the protestant guilt and be kind to myself. I would have read more to my son, paid more attention in school to my classes instead of boys, and gone on to college in my late teens instead of my mid thirties. Martyrdom is not a becoming trait. So to those who choose to be a martyr, go right ahead and wallow in the guilt. Better you than me. =)